During this period of my life the universe was determined to make its point clear. I was at a huge crossroads that I believe we all get too at the end of a cycle. This was the "end of the end" for me it seemed. I felt like a ping pong ball out of control as my life spun circles around me. Most of the time I just wanted off this crazy ride.
As things spun about, new things were also being offered into the mix. Things unexpected and given in ways that I never thought of before. You see, I always felt that being "abundant" was having a lot of money in the bank. Having the money and time to travel and to do what ever I wanted to do. Abundance to me would bring me a sense of security, of freedom. That nice warm feeling that comes with not having to worry about anything for a long time. That was my definition of abundance at that time.
What I had yet to realize was that I was already abundant. In fact, I was operating in the flow and every thing I needed was supplied. Supplied like clock work. It was my belief of what abundance was that continued to get in my way.
The universal laws of abundance states; "Every thing you need will be supplied with ease and grace WHEN there is a need". OK, I had to go back and read that one again. "When" there is a need. So, that means that the universe can not fill a need unless there is one? Or, unless there is a "need" the universe does not see one so therefore does not deliver?
That last statement was exactly what the universe was teaching me and I went to the exact point of being one step away from the streets before I believed this enough so that the universe could actually deliver what was needed at the last moment. Why the last moment? Because until I believed, trusted and had faith enough to allow this to happen, I was blocking anything that was trying to come in.
My fear was in the way and so I had to surrender into trust. Every thing I was doing to create abundance in my life, that was continuing to fail, was surrendered in faith. There was nothing else for me to do. Every move I made met with resistance.
There were nights that I would cry myself to sleep only to wake in terror gasping for air. I kept swaying into self blame for not doing something, anything to make more money. All the things that worked in the past did not work any longer and I was at a loss as to how to proceed. Surrender was all I had left and until I surrendered in full trust did the universe bend to meet me half way which allowed me to turn a very important cornor.