All through my conscious journey I have heard spiritual truths. They are repeated in our lives over and over and in many different ways, in an attempt to get through to us. That is how things work on this road to enlightenment. It is a continuous repeat of every "good thing" we can do to hasten ourselves down the path. Some times they "hit" home, other times it is a "miss," but we always get it, eventually.
The one simple truth that disturbed me the most, was the one that surprised me the most, by the power it had in changing my life. In a word, gratitude. Yep, that simple word would make my insides buck and twist into knots. I just could not see how being grateful for the mess my life was in was going to help change it. On top of that, it was difficult, at best, to find something to be grateful for.
Oh, I would give it a go now and then. Especial in those moments of disbelief that my life had taken the turn it had. I would say something like, "I am grateful that the cliff I just went over is only 2 feet down instead of 100 feet down!" You can see how that helped my life. I was confirming, that I had just gone over a cliff and according to the laws of attraction, another cliff was soon to appear on the horizon!
Seriously now, what I did find interesting was that every time I did say I was grateful for, "..." and really meant it, I felt my insides tie into knots and resist the thought. The angry, negative part of me started screaming in my ear all the reason I had, NOT to be grateful. And that angry voice was right in most cases and I just wasn't in a place to, not agree with it. So, I decided that, when I can FEEL grateful, then I will say, I am grateful. Humm.
Then came the testing. I would test myself all the time. "I am grateful for "..." Nope, still nothing. Don't feel a thing. In fact my insides still refuse to budge on this issue, so surly this doesn't work!
One day as I lay face down and too tired to move as my life used me as a trampoline, I simply said, "I am grateful that my life looks to be over, and now I can rest." Do you know that in that moment my insides actually yelled, "YES! you are grateful!" And for the first time I actually felt it! It was in that moment of least resistance that I cracked open the barriers and felt what gratitude feels like. It was amazing!
Now, just because I cracked that shell open did not mean that being grateful and feeling it was easy. What I realized was that at first, I didn't necessarily need to feel the gratitude before I could be grateful. Even though the mental concept of gratitude is only mental until felt, I still had to start somewhere. And so I began to mentally list every day all the things I was grateful for. The first one on the list was always the hardest. The second one a tad easier and by the forth and fifth item on the list, I noticed that it was getting easier and easier and the list was getting longer and longer! All of a sudden the door swung open and the amount of things in my life that I had to be grateful for came tumbling out.
Today, I don't get out of bed before listing all the things in my life that I am grateful for. Nor do I go to sleep at night without doing this as well. Even throughout the day when things go awry, I immediately begin to list all the things that are going right and how grateful I am for that! Even when it is hard and I am angry, I push through the anger and find one thing. Then the next thing comes a little easier and more show up. Most of the times that I do this, the thing that went awry just magically disappeared or changed!
There is no other feeling like the feeling you get when that subtle shift occurs and you are taken from the realm of anger and frustration and into the realm of calm and center-ness. I would call this realm the, "state of grace" and that is where gratitude is realized and life takes on a newness never experienced before!
From my grateful heart to yours,
Just loving you along,
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